Stolen Wallpaper

Words but a whisper, deafness a shout

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Location: Zeeland, Michigan, United States

Hi. I wish I had a job selling squirrels. They're so furry, and give you toothy grins. Unless they're rabid, in which case they will eat your face off and then find the rest of your family. That's not so good, I guess.

Thursday, June 08, 2017

Open Letter To The Womenfolk

I am a strange little man. At my advanced age I am well aware of this. What I am not, is a creepy little man. All the creep was leeched out of me by successfully getting married, and that marriage ending has not seen it return. I AM getting over my divorce, at long last, largely through the healing power of as much live music as I can cram into my earholes, and my bewildered dog Sheila. If I want to spend time with you, if I comment on your Facebook stuff, if I invite you to a show: I am NOT hitting on you. I think of myself as a former heterosexual these days: I am capital D Done Divorced Dead Inside. My friends have always been mostly women. It is so hard to make friends as an adult as it is, and gender roles make it even harder. (That's what she said.) I don't seek entry into your trousers, I simply like you and want to share my metaphorical Legos. If I think you're pretty, it's a fact, not an opinion, if that makes any sense: it has zero bearing on how I interact with you. If I ever do recover enough to actually attempt dating again, it will be with someone near my own age: no cradle robbing ever again. My god, when I found out one friend was one WEEK older than my ex wife, I swear my testicles tried to escape. I have had a very good year and a half, I have gotten out there and met a whole lot of awesome people, most of them female, and I want to be transparent. I want to be your favorite garden gnome, not your boyfriend.


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