Open Letter To The Womenfolk
I am a strange little man. At my advanced age I am well aware of this. What I am not, is a creepy little man. All the creep was leeched out of me by successfully getting married, and that marriage ending has not seen it return. I AM getting over my divorce, at long last, largely through the healing power of as much live music as I can cram into my earholes, and my bewildered dog Sheila. If I want to spend time with you, if I comment on your Facebook stuff, if I invite you to a show: I am NOT hitting on you. I think of myself as a former heterosexual these days: I am capital D Done Divorced Dead Inside. My friends have always been mostly women. It is so hard to make friends as an adult as it is, and gender roles make it even harder. (That's what she said.) I don't seek entry into your trousers, I simply like you and want to share my metaphorical Legos. If I think you're pretty, it's a fact, not an opinion, if that makes any sense: it has zero bearing on how I interact with you. If I ever do recover enough to actually attempt dating again, it will be with someone near my own age: no cradle robbing ever again. My god, when I found out one friend was one WEEK older than my ex wife, I swear my testicles tried to escape. I have had a very good year and a half, I have gotten out there and met a whole lot of awesome people, most of them female, and I want to be transparent. I want to be your favorite garden gnome, not your boyfriend.
posted by Chad Wedeven | Thursday, June 08, 2017
1 Comments:
Oh. My. God. Chad this is EXACTLY how I feel. It's such a relief to find another human expressing this at exactly the right time.
I have always loved music. Wanted to play as a kid. Got lost in the shuffle after my parents' divorce. Never learned. Got stuck in choir instead. Don't really have a great voice.
I grow up and spend 19 years trying to keep a "marriage" alive with a self centered, covert aggressive that almost landed me in a mental hospital (you know it's bad when your kids ask you, 'Mom, why don't you leave?')ironically so my kids would have a family and not be poor as dirt like I was growing up.... Separated from him 6 years ago, but won't be divorced for a while yet...long story.
I get hooked into the local music scene through Arthop and come alive again! Want to absorb as much of it as I can. Unfortunately, most of my friends don't play and don't have the the same complex taste in music that I have, so it means learning to go to shows alone which I have successfully done, but it would be nice to have friends to go with so I have been trying to make friends...as a non player...and as an adult woman...sigh. Not to mention a large age gap. I don't think I have to tell you how hard this is. I feel like I need a T-shirt that says, "No, I'm not a groupie. No, I'm not trying to be a cougar. No, I'm not a weirdo. I just love music and laughs."
I always had male friends growing up. Lived with my best guys friends in college. Fast forward many years in the "real" world and my attempts to be friends with guys in the scene probably comes off desperate or weird at best and I really JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS.... In fact I thought about posting "F*ck Relationships. I just want friends." on Facebook so my new male acquaintances would fully understand where I'm coming from (also because that is how I actually feel right now) but I figured that would just make me look weirder so...no. Lol.
Thank you for sharing something so personal. I don't feel so alone now. This means a great deal to me.
Also, we met at a show, at Bryan and Jessica's in Grand Haven when they had like 12 bands there. I think 2017? Outside in the backyard. I was sitting in front of the garage and my friend got up and went out to the street to talk to some people. You were sitting near me and I decided to say hello to you because you seemed normal and not....a creep. :)
I live in Kalamazoo. Please feel free to friend me on FB if you would like and if you ever want to go to a show together HMU...wink, wink. (It's been so bad I was almost afraid to put that joke in.)
My goal is to cram as much live music into my earholes as they will allow as well and I don't mind driving an hour or more for great music. I like the adventure. Thanks again for your post.
Your fellow healing music nut,
Melanie Botting
P.S. I love squirrels too.
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