Stolen Wallpaper

Words but a whisper, deafness a shout

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Location: Zeeland, Michigan, United States

Hi. I wish I had a job selling squirrels. They're so furry, and give you toothy grins. Unless they're rabid, in which case they will eat your face off and then find the rest of your family. That's not so good, I guess.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Wyoming Grill--Breakfast Anytime--New Ownership

He stood on the corner, leaning on a paint-shedding pole in front of a pleasantly crappy diner in the shadow of a soon-to-close auto factory in his stained green jacket, waiting for her to show up with the spare key. Locked out of his car by his own dumbassitude. Put on a diet, he'd just eaten a "chef salad" that was basically lettuce festooned with giant hunks of cold cuts (this is a rave, not a complaint). It was kinda 50/50 that she'd be able to find the place, what with construction zones, moronic fellow drivers, and her own staggering inability to remember landmarks from day to day, but oop, here she was, driving his crappy old car, once his parents', given as a wedding present. Little did they know we'd just keep needing more crap, he mused. He waved like a crazy person. After over a year, he couldn't keep the silly grin off his face upon seeing her if he tried.

They'd been looking for a way to move forward, to break out of the (happy happy) tailspin into oblivion they were riding. The idea: send her to culinary school, let the nonpareil placement program lead them to riches and renown. So, the nice lady at the really crappy trailer park offered them $99 lot rent for a year and a free move of the trailer from the slightly less crappy trailer park five miles up the road that was sucking away all their dough. He thought, wrongly, that the new park was within the boundaries for community college discount. So the move went down. Many walls and windows were damaged on the ancient mobile home; all the underpinning insulation shredded and blew away. Insurance forthcoming but not yet arrived, they huddled shivering in the Land of No Teeth and Lots of Beer, contemplating mailing address fraud. If they lived in the woods fifty feet behind the house, they'd be okay. He was considering pitching a tent.

Life couldn't suck enough to sap their love. They were truly nauseating. Him Two Years Ago would have HATED his ass. All baby talking, dog owning, frequent cell phone dialing, gazing adoringly when not being watched. Just, ick. Funny how Dateline NBC never showed any of the HAPPY endings.....

She rolled up next to the car, wearing truly ridiculous Sophia Loren sunglasses, hopped out,dangled the spare key a bit mockingly, and kissed him soundly. Life could certainly be worse. He was starting to lose his hair, the Diabetes Fairy was stalking his movements, and worst of all, he was probably going to have to move to Arizona, but he'd found true love. How many do?