Time Tunnel

Posted on my Facebook page on Leap Day 2020

Messages to myself in four years, just after my 50th birthday, via this handy time tunnel:

Did you attempt dating again? Did you learn your lesson for good this time? Good. Garden gnome is a better thing to be than Yet Another Aging White Cishet Chucklefuck.

Is Sheila still with you? Lucky sod. If not, did you get over it? Pets don't live forever, so we have to cherish the days we have.

Did you forgive your ex wife yet? She was too young. You need to remember the good times. "Be glad it happened," yadda yadda.  But most of all, holding grudges hurts you more than them.

Did you keep your friends? Did you continue to support and celebrate them? Did you manage to overcome your fundamental self-loathing enough to be someone they wanted in their lives? If they became rich/famous, did you celebrate and assist, or was your giant head in the way?

Were you kinder to yourself? WELL WERE YOU, ASSHOLE?

Did you spend more time with your nieces and nephews? I hope so, because they're fascinating little splinters from your DNA tree, and you need them to pool their resources for your nursing home someday.

Did you forgive your dad for being different than you? Do it. You can't help being weird, he can't help being extremely conventional. He has your best interests at heart, and he won't live forever. Plus you will need to borrow his truck.

Did you keep your house looking good and structurally sound? It's the best move of your entire adulthood, be smart about something for once in your goddam existence.

I'm not going to ask if you lost weight, because I know the answer.

Will you be remembered fondly? Yeah? Then you're doing ok. Keep it up.