The Devil's Starchy Fingers

The one good thing about taking this road was that it led through a town that still had an open Hot N' Now. Gawd, he loved Hot N' Now. It was a drive-through-only, bottom of the deck sort of fast food joint. An unusually large number of them were built very close to, if not in front of, trailer parks. The whole franchise in his part of Michigan had gone bust, leaving about twenty forlorn useless buildings, the letters on their sale signs falling off bit by bit through the attrition of wind.

Wendy's or Arby's had much better tasting sandwiches, of course. But have you ever tried eating them in a moving car? Sloppy, slippery, greasy buns and hands and fries dropped between the seat cushions and just a mess. Hot N' Now hamburgers were desiccated, puny lil' pucks of meat parked on a moisture-challenged bun with just little splorps of ketchup and mustard, and three inoffensive pickle slices. No mess, no fuss, very easy to eat with one hand while chewing up the miles. And they had the best fries on earth, bar none. Swear to God they still must have deep fried the suckers: the devil's starchy fingers, reaching into your heart to grab your lifelong allegiance. To top it off, they had these things called Cheeze Teazers: lumps of potato breaded, deep fried, with a molten cheddar center. Abandon hope ye dieters.

He got four burgers, two fries, a Teazers order and a large Dr. Pepper, then got right back on the highway, barely even four minutes after pulling off. Fat is cheap. He munched cheerfully, the cholesterol dissipating his default gloom for a precious little while. He hummed his personal theme song to himself:

I'm a dumb ass, oh
I'm a dumb ass, oh
Watch me do dumb shit
I never quit
I'm a dumb ass, oh
I'm a dumb ass, oh
Please kill me now
Dum ah dee dee dah, dum ah dee dee dah.....